she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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