Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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