He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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