Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
