If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
