he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
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Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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