i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
