Moan for me like Helen Keller
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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