dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You smell like stripper and shame
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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