I want to stick my p in your. b.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
