I just saw a hot homeless man
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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