i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
