Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
