Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Someone came in the potted fern
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
