I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
