hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
