Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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