i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
