so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
