This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
