I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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