We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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