I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How's work?
Spinning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
