if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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