he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
