she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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