the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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