apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In other news, I just burned my penis
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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