Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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