I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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