We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
