If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
