Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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