She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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