Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
