Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
