Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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