I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
