Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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