You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
