the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
