Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
