I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
