apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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