i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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