Don't make out with my wife yet
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
