then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
