and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
