So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
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so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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