I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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