Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
