I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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