Do you still have your period?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
