Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
