I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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