"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
