By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
