im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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