i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
