I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
