Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish there were birth control emojis
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
