After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize