Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
