Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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