we have pet lesbian snakes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
