one might say we're banned from that church
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
