Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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