babies were throwing up all over the place
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
