i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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