JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
