before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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