guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm really busy with my period
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