i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
