i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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