Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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