He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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