I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
