I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
