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I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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