if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT