omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can you bring me the toilet please
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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